pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
