Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I could fuck to npr.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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