i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
