You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
