I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
