Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
