I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
