i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
