thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
