We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
