Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This baby is an asshole
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
