We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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