you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
