I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
