my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
