Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
