glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
