I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
