I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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