oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
