In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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