Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
