I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
