I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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