READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
