is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
