I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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