if i died would you start the facebook group?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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