my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
