sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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