you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
