I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
