Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
