I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
