Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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