god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you still have your period?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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