how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
where does the pee come out of this thing
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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