I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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