He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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