my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
