You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
