I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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