I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
