is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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