I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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