They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
