And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
