she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and she was petting her beer can
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
