Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
