You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
