i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
