Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

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(323): View more from California

I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.

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(714): View more from California

You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?

(972): View more from Texas

Well what did you order

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(512): View more from Texas

the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe

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