I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
