Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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