You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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