Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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