I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
