Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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