Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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