if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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