If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
